Love and Money
Remarks like ‘I want to marry rich’ or ‘I will marry for love and not for money’ are often uttered and as a matter of fact many people end up doing exactly that. In reality it will be difficult to divorce the two concepts of love and money within a relationship. Money does impact on relationships. Sometimes the impact is positive, but sometimes the impact is negative. Money can cause a lot of friction within a relationship. Several marriages end up in divorce as a result of money.
The lack of money can cause serious trouble within any relationship and often love is not enough to carry a couple through the uphill battles of trying to raise children, paying the bills and trying to survive. Another money challenge, potentially causing even more friction than not having money, transpires where couples do have money, but they have totally different views about money.
People’s views about money and how they treat money are to a great extent formed during their childhood. What parents teach children about money and the experience of having money or not having money during childhood years play a big role in how people react towards money when they are grown-up. Beliefs and values, thinking patterns, emotions as well as life experiences also play a role in people’s behaviour towards money.
Partners having different views about money and the value they attach to money will definitely result in friction and often financial stress too. One partner might be selfish or treat money with respect while the other partner might be a big spender. One partner might be conservative by nature when it comes to investments while the other partner is an opportunist and will jump at any money making scheme often ending up losing hard-earned money. While one partner might be comfortable living in an average neighbourhood, driving an average car and going to the beach for holiday; the other partner might consider driving expensive cars, sending the kids to private schools and splashing out on overseas trips and luxuries as a necessity. Different earning brackets can also result in tension. Do you recognise some of these scenarios in your relationship?
Money does impact on relationships and can often supersede love if the problem is not resolved in a mutually agreeable manner. The best solution for couples is to talk about money. Make an effort to understand why your partner is behaving in a certain way and also why you are behaving in a certain way when it comes to money matters. Discuss these different behaving patterns and how it impacts on the relationship and your financial wellbeing. Raise potential concerns when it occurs and don’t wait until it has evolved into a serious issue. Sit together to do financial planning. Involve each other when making financial decisions that will affect the family. Set financial goals that the whole family can relate to and buy into. Finally get everybody on the same bus on your journey towards financial wellness.
Written by Ronel Jooste
CA(SA), Financial Consultant & Coach, Blogger and Speaker
Contact Ronel: firstname.lastname@example.org
For more information about my financial wellness programmes visit the website
Relationships are about completing each other
By Stephen van Basten
Marriage Expert and Author
Contact Stephen: www.stephenvanbasten.co.za/author.html
This is an excerpt from the book: “So you’re married, now what?
When you have a good long look at life, you eventually see that it’s all about relationships. We have a plethora of relationships raging around us all the time. We have a relationship (good, bad or indifferent) with our maker, our parents, our siblings, our children, our friends, our bosses, our sub-ordinates, our colleagues, our government, other drivers on the roads, waitrons, tellers, suppliers, clients, customers and the annoying taxi driver in the yellow line during peak hour traffic.
So how do you think you are performing in all of those areas?
I believe we have all heard the saying that 50% of marriages fail (don’t shoot the messenger hey!!)? That would mean that we fail at about 95% of relationships! Remember, we do not marry everyone we date. Personally I believe this is why 80% of new businesses fail too.
Interestingly enough, when my wife Jacqui and I visited India, we were surprised to find that Indian arranged marriages beat the divorce statistics. Indian parents use astrology to pick partners for their children and it seems to work better than our chemical reaction (read lust) method here in the West. And here is a nice little challenge to all of you; someone once asserted that an enlightened being could be married off to anyone on earth and make the relationship work!
Then of course we get the common malady of searching for one’s soul-mate. I believe we do this out of pure laziness! We think we want to find someone that is so perfect that we think the same, react the same, want the same, vote the same, say the right things, do the right things and fulfil every single need we have. Indeed you don’t even need to talk because you are automatically tuned into each other almost telepathically. What rubbish. In my opinion, your soul mate would be someone who is the exact opposite and COMPLETES you. They would challenge you to grow, call you on your actions, tell you when you are being stupid and force you to grow (and probably grow up too!).
That is why my favourite relationship symbol is the yin-yang symbol. Not for religious or spiritual reasons but because we are opposites that complete each other. The little “dots” are where we are the same and they anchor us. The black and white are how different we are. The beauty is that we COMPLETE each other! Whenever I work with a couple who are struggling, it’s usually because one partner wants the other partner to be more like them. Imagine the entire seven billion people on earth were exactly like you. The world would be a mess. My advice is to love yourself for who you are, then love your spouse for who they are and then don’t try to change each other!